This isn't poetic, but it's from my heart. OJ was the sweetest, gentlest cat I've ever known. He was strong, and fat, and healthy, and happy, and he should have had many more good years. But cancer, the old equalizer, struck him down at age 12. He developed a mass on the side of his face, and it got so big he couldn't eat. The doctor told me it would come down to a decision on his quality of life, and she was right. OJ lost 30% of his body weight in the last month of his life. He still slept with me, he still purred when we petted him, he even tried to play a little, with the elastic cord he loved so much. But he was suffering.

I got out of bed one morning and realized that I was being weak and selfish. I was keeping him alive for my sake, not for his. He'd developed a huge infection in his mouth, as if the tumor wasn't bad enough by itself. I called the vet and made arrangements to bring him in that day. It may have been the most difficult decision I've ever had to make. If that sounds silly, too bad.

As we drove to the doctor's office, I tried to believe that she could give him an antibiotic for the infection and that would buy him some more time. Once we were in the examining room, we all knew that he wouldn't be going home with us. We talked a little, and she agreed that we were doing the right thing. I was choking back tears. Hell, I'm choking back tears right now. I said my goodbye right there in the examining room. I reached out to him, and he purred and rubbed his face on my hand. Chris was stronger than I was; he went with OJ and stayed with him until the end. I just couldn't do it. I watched them carry him through the door, and it struck me that I'd never see him again. I wanted to grab him and run.

He's been gone for a couple of months already. All that's left is the memories, a few photographs, and a little impression of his paw in a piece of clay. All in all, I think he had a pretty good life. I think he knew we loved him. He never hurt anyone, and he didn't deserve to die so young and in pain. If there is a heaven (and that's a big "if"), and pets aren't allowed in, it must be a very barren, loveless place and I don't ever want to go there.